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Tensions

Often times, when you walk into a settlement negotiation room you can feel the tension between the parties. That tension is sometimes added to or even encouraged by lawyers for the litigants, especially those who believe they have the stronger case.

One of the roles of the professional mediator is to manage that tension. By having appropriate pre-hearing meetings with each of the parties the mediator will start to understand the relationship between the litigants and some of the underlying causes of the conflict. He or she is often the only person in the room with whom both participants have any measure of trust. Utilizing that trust to establish an atmosphere where the parties can have an open dialog is a key part of the mediation process.

Even so, the parties are never without their own internal tensions. According to Harvard’s Professor Mnookin (Bargaining with the Devil) management of the internal tension between empathy (demonstrating understanding of the other side’s viewpoint) while also communicating assertiveness to get your point across is not always easily done but is almost always necessary for a successful conclusion to a negotiation.

Need someone to trust? You speak - I'll listen.

IT’S A COIN TOSS

In a negotiation over the distribution of a million dollar estate, the warring parties, a brother and sister had successfully agreed to the division of almost the entirety of the estate but were stuck on who should get the last item – a family heirloom. This small issue threatened the entire deal. As a solution to the impasse we proposed a coin flip and both sides surprisingly agreed. The deal was saved and a costly litigation ended.

That the parties would agree to settle based on chance illustrates that the particular issue at stake was more emotional than substantive. Allowing the parties a creative way to break impasse that was fair and allowed the loser to save face was key.

While not every impasse is so easily broken a good mediator comes to understand the needs of each party and thereby find the keys to successful conflict resolution.

I'm listening. Let's break the stalemate.

Breaking Patterns

Often, when I ask someone to describe their problem in 30 words or less, they cannot do it. They have a story in their mind that has been rehearsed many times over.

While this thought loop allows them to describe their problem very accurately it can actually get in the way of solving the issues and the conflict.

Getting a party to a conflict to change vocabulary and see things from a different perspective is often key to finding resolution. I will spend the time necessary to really listen to each side and understand every perspective. I then assist the parties to work through a common vocabulary.

Let's discuss the problem, I can help.

A TEASPOON OF EMOTION

Emotions can play a powerful role at the bargaining table. In preparing a husband and wife recently for a mediation, I told the wife she ought not to be ashamed if a few honest tears were shed as she told her story.

At the mediation session the next day she was solid as a rock but surprisingly her tough as nails husband broke down more than once as he spoke.

When I looked across the table, the opposing lawyer and his client both had Kleenex to their eyes.

Through that honest display of vulnerability our client gained a degree of empathy from the other side that had previously been lacking. That understanding together with some creative problem solving led to a very favorable settlement.

Getting the other side to really truly appreciate your perspective is often a key to reaching agreement. I understand what it takes to resolve conflict. As a Mediator, I'll use advanced techniques to give both sides a full understanding of the heart of the conflict. With Arbitration, I'll see through the issues to reach a fair and proper decision.

Whatever your ADR need, contact me today – I can help.

Rational Thought

Most of us enter into conflict resolution discussions having given serious thought about our positions and the reasons behind them. We believe that other rational beings will adopt our thinking once we have explained ourselves.

If only life was that simple. The truth is that there can be more than one rational legitimate perspective to just about any issue.

It’s not surprising then when negotiating parties exchange views, particularly in multi-party negotiations, they become frustrated, annoyed or even exasperated with each other. The good news is that this is all entirely normal. The skilled mediator guides parties through this stage of negotiations, finding along the way areas of commonality and helping the parties each understand the other’s perspective. With that understanding, some ingenuity and perseverance, resolution is often possible.

Can we resolve your case? Let's try.

Clarity

The key to conflict resolution is communication. Clear communication leads to mutual understanding which is a usual requirement to consensus.

Parties in dispute often are not communicating clearly. Some are so busy advocating or defending positions they, like walkie-talkies, are incapable of hearing the other side. For others the words heard from the opposing side have meanings that are unintended. During a recent mediation, a party for whom English was a second language was mired in an intransigent position simply because what others in the room thought was a clear message was being misinterpreted. When I changed the vocabulary, the negotiations continued to a successful conclusion.

I have the skills to hear both sides clearly. I can help.

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